Fire and Healing
by Keira-House M.D
Summary: The war is over and the light have won. Everyone seems content, but no one can see the pain one girl is suffering due to what she suffered. The only one who notices it is Draco Malfoy, who watches as she goes down a spiral of destruction. HG/DM
1. Fire

**This fic is set after the end of the war but is pretty AU after the fifth book. Sirius never died and all those who died throughout the books; Dumbledore, Moody, Tonks, Lupin, Snape and Fred are all alive. This is in Hermione's POV.**

The war was over, they had won and she should be delighted. The light side had lost few and none of her close friends had died. All the dark were destroyed; Voldemort, Bellatrix, Lucius, Greyback and the only reminder that remained was the man who had served the dark only to turn light a few months before the end of the war - Draco Malfoy.

The whole wizarding world was celebrating, the Order and those others who fought for the light were rewarded and praised as heroes but she couldn't enjoy it. All she ever remembered were the bad times, watching the torture and murder, being tortured, being raped. She relieved them constantly, against her will of course, her nightmares were haunted with pain and faces, Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange and Fenrir Greyback.

She knew she should get some help but there was no one there to help her. Yes there were many people that could have talked to her but none of them ever noticed what was wrong and so obviously it couldn't be too bad if it wasn't obvious. Still she wished someone cared, Ron was wrapped up in Quidditch and Luna, Harry with the remaining two marauders and of course Ginny. She would never begrudge her two best friends their happiness. She'd thought that perhaps Remus or Sirius would notice, they had become very close during the war, she was like their daughter. But they too were wrapped up in other things, Sirius with his godson, best friend and a long line of vacuous blondes, Remus with Tonks and their little son Teddy and of course sharing stories with Sirius. The final person she had counted on was Albus Dumbledore, he always seemed to know everything yet he didn't notice this. In reality it must be that he wasn't paying attention or she was an excelled actress. But to her it just signified that her problems were not important.

The war had been over about a month when she ran into Draco Malfoy at a bar. They were both a bit drunk and while talking she realised he had long since given up his pureblood mania and he realised that she was in fact an extremely beautiful witch. A few hours later found them at her appartment and five minutes later they were fucking ardently. It was a physical release for him and both knew he had other lovers. For her it was a way to escape her demons and forget about the pain.

The arrangement soon became regular and he came to her appartment a few times a week. It was casual and he had other lovers. He was always gone before she woke up in the morning and that was how they both liked it. She knew that if she woke up to him there then it would just be awkward. None of the Order or her friends knew of her arrangement with Draco. They all accepted that he had helped their side at the end of the war but that didn't mean it erased years of hate. The only two who were polite were Snape, who was of course a family friend and Dumbledore, who had his firm belief in forgiveness. Draco almost never went to any Order events so he barely ever saw her outside of her trysts and that was a good thing for both.

He was like a flame, beautiful and consuming, yet completely dangerous. She got burnt all the time, losing bits of herself as she used the sex to try and escape from her depression. But no matter how many times she got burnt she kept coming back for more. She was addicted to the pain, it made her feel for a few moments. Occasionally he tried to hint she should maybe get some help but she always ignored him, she didn't want to have to accept that she was depressed and traumatised when no one else but him could tell.

It was ironic really, when she experiences so much pain it wasn't her best friends or the Order who worked it out, it was the man who for almost seven years made her life complete hell. Now in respect to her state of mind, he knew her best of all.

So she waited for someone other than Draco to notice. Waited for someone to care and finally see what was right under their nose. Hermione Jean Granger, muggleborn, intelligence of the Golden trio, war heroine, member of the DA and the Order of the Phoenix, master of wandless magic, highest NEWT scores since Albus Dumbledore and completely and utterly depressed and desperate.

But time went on and still no one noticed a thing, she was becoming desperate for the pain to end and finally decided to do something about it. Of course her idea of a solution wasn't really something the others would be happy about, but who cared, she wanted it over and she wanted the nightmares to end.

She didn't want to use magic, it was spells that had caused her all the pain in the first place, so pills would have to do. She brought some painkillers at her local pharmacist on the night of an Order meeting, so they would all be occupied and not interrupt. When she got home she swallowed the whole lot and waited until the darkness overtook her and she was floating in a blissful oblivion. The last thing she heard before she lost full consciousness was Draco's voice calling her name.

**Don't worry, there will be a second part with a happier ending than this part. The next part will be from Draco's POV.**


	2. Healing

**This is the sequel to my Hermione/Draco fic 'Fire'. You need to read that first for this to make sense. This is in Draco's POV.**

Draco had often done what was best for himself, not really differentiating from right and wrong. That was why he had switched sides a few months before the final battle. His survival instincts were telling him that Voldemort was the wrong side and it helped that he had started to push away the pure blood mania as the nonsense it was. So he turned traitor on his family and friends and joined the light. Then the war was won and he was given awards and praised for his spy efforts along with Severus. Of course this didn't stop most of the Order hating him and he never really went to any of their meetings or gatherings unless absolutely necessary. He had no desire to see Potty or Weasel anytime soon.

It was about a month after the final battle and he was out at a bar in the process of getting drunk when he saw her. Hermione Granger, she looked a lot different, more beautiful and yet more haunted. His pure blood mania was now well and truly gone and they were both a bit drunk. A little conversation and some more alcohol and they found themselves shagging at her appartment. It was fiery and hot and sated his physical needs well. He left almost as soon as he was finished not wanting the awkwardness of the morning after, especially with Granger of all people.

But soon it became a regular arrangement, a physical outlet for him. He didn't realise at first why she did it but after a few months he discovered the reason. She wanted distraction from reality and some sort of physical contact to make her feel. He knew what she'd suffered during the war, being on Voldemort's side he knew more than most of her friends. It was strange, as time wore on he found himself staying a little later each night, watching her sleep. She was gorgeous but he could see the sadness and pain in her eyes. She would whimper in her sleep, remembering the horrors of the war no doubt. He still never stayed till morning but often until 4 or 5 in the morning, just watching her.

When they'd first started out their arrangement he had other lovers too, but eventually these fizzled out as he found himself beginning to care for her. He knew she cared for him in her own way but that it would never turn into true affection unless she was free from her demons and he wasn't equipped to help her with that. Her friends were and he would often whisper to her to get some help from them, just little hints. But she either ignored him or just told him to fuck her already. He worked it out, they were oblivious and she thought that because they were stupid enough not to see that it wasn't there at all. But it was and he could tell. He could feel her slipping further from reality and wondered how they couldn't notice.

Eventually, after and year and a half of whatever sick arrangement they had he decided that enough was enough. There was an Order meeting on, something about the remaining rogue death eaters out there. She was planning on going, she always did, but he had a plan, he was going to sneak her a sleeping potion and go confront the Order.

But he got the shock of his life when he entered her apartment and found it silent. He was immediately worried and rightly so, for he discovered her unconscious in her bedroom, an empty bottle of pills by her side. Of course she'd try to do it the muggle way, he thought as he rushed to her, lucky for him really, he could fix that.

He was panicking inside but tried to remain calm, he had to save her before it was too late and running around like Potty or Weasel would of done was simply unacceptable, he was a Malfoy after all.

He lay her out and used a complex series of spells to magically pump her stomach to dispose of the drugs and then a few more to make sure she was completely healed. She was still unconscious when he gave her the dreamless sleep draught.

He sighed as he stepped back, he guessed he'd have more proof of the problem when he went to explain to the Order. Shaking his head and checking Hermione's vitals once more, he apparated away to Grimmauld Place.

He materialised outside the house, spoke the password and stepped inside. Making his way to the kitchen where he knew meetings were held he flung open the door and everything went silent. It looked like most people were there, Potter, the Weasleys, Black, Lupin, Tonks, Dumbledore, McGonnagal, Snape, Moody and Shacklebolt. That was good, he wouldn't have to re-explain himself.

Weasel was the first to speak, "what the hell are you doing here ferret?" He rolled his eyes as Mrs Weasley admonished her son and drawled back at him, "I don't really want to be here weaselbee but I find it necessary. First I should let you know that Hermione won't be at this meeting." He received a lot of suspicious looks at that, especially since he called her by her first name, and Potter spoke. "How would you know about Hermione, she told us she was coming to this meeting, like every meeting. She is punctual. unlike some people I could mention."

He sighed, "well Potter I know because I was the one to give her the potion to knock her out for a few hours," he'd decided it was best to not mention the suicide attempt until a bit later or they would want to go to her straight away and he was in mood to repeat himself. There was uproar at his statement and he almost laughed as Potter and Weasley had to be restrained to stop them attacking him. "You know Potter if you'd let me finish you may be surprised. I had to knock Granger out for a bit because I needed to talk to you and I didn't need her here trying to make light of the situation."

It was Lupin that spoke next, "make light of what situation Mr Malfoy?" He was incredulous at this, did the idiots really not notice that something, anything was going on. "You do realise that you are all complete morons. I can't believe you haven't noticed a thing." He turned to Potter and Weasley, "you two are supposed to be her best friends." Then he rounded on Black and Lupin, "you two have known her since she was 14 and the three of you went on countless missions together and you couldn't tell?" Finally he turned to Dumbledore, "and you, you know every bloody detail of our lives, never seem to miss a trick. Yet you didn't notice. You don't deserve to be her friends."

Black interrupted his tirade, "look Malfoy we might be family but that won't stop me punching your face in unless you tell us what the hell is going on." He almost screamed, how did these people ever win the war. "Hermione you dolts, she is depressed as hell and you all ignored it completely."

They immediately started protesting his statement, so bloody typical. They obviously thought that since they can't be bothered to pay attention then nothing is going on. Well he would just have to prove it to them. "Alright shut up, she is depressed and I know it. You want proof then I'll give you proof."

"You all thought the end of the war was brilliant, barely any of the light die and most of the dark are gone. You settle into your new lives straight away and that's all good and whatever but what about Hermione. Her two best friends are now preoccupied with their girlfriends and everyone else is either bothered with family or close friends. But she had no boyfriend and her closest friends aren't really paying attention. Don't you notice how she doesn't talk too much any more, doesn't constantly quote from books and Hogwarts: A history. Have you ever looked closely at her smile, its completely fake and her eyes have lost their sparkle, they're just dull now."

He took a moment to let it all sink in, watching the shocked, worried looks on their faces, coupled with shame at not seeing. Weaslette spoke softly, "but she never told us anything, never gave any indication …" He cut her off, "why would she tell you. I know how she thinks. She believes that since none of you brainless lot can see then it isn't worth bothering you about it. She doesn't think it is as bad as it really is. Did you know she has nightmares? Pretty much every night about the terror she went through during the war."

He prayed none of them would ask how he knew about the nightmares as he continued. "I've heard you all comparing stories but did any of you ask her about her experiences. No you didn't, because you think that because she was the know it all, because she always seemed so strong, you didn't think her bad memories haunted her, didn't think she even had that many. But you don't even know the whole story of what she went through."

Potter interrupted again, rude as always, "we do know what she went through Malfoy, everyone does. The torture at Bellatrix Lestrange's hands while she was prisoner is pretty well known, especially since she was strong enough to suffer no long term effects."

"No long term physical effects Potter and that isn't all she went through. I was at Malfoy Manor while she was prisoner and you lot were taking your sweet time getting there to save her. I was in disgrace at the time so I couldn't exactly help but I wanted to, even though I was still with the dark at the time. No one deserved what they did to her. She didn't just get tortured, she had to watch it happening to others, had to watch as others were killed. My insane aunt was an expert in torture and while she has no physical scars remaining I know full well that there are mental ones remaining. But none of you looked deeper below the surface of what she told you, I know because I had to watch it done. Had to watch as she got raped by my father and Fenrir Greyback."

There was a collective gasp at this, surviving a rape by those two was extremely rare and they couldn't believe they had missed the signs. He looked at the group with a hint of distaste. "But you never knew because you never looked. She might not have told you but didn't it ever occur to you to check if she had been raped when you healed her. You lot disgust me, so caught up in your own affairs that you haven't realised the pain she's in. One of the most important members of the Order, you know without her you may have lost the war and you ignored her."

They all looked thoroughly ashamed of themselves and he almost felt sorry for the self-loathing they would feel when he delivered the final bombshell … almost. "One more thing," he announced to the room, who collectively turned to look questioningly at him. " She will be rather fragile if you go see her now and if you want to know why its because she just attempted to commit suicide."

If anything had shocked them most it was this, many of them looked close to tears and there was an immediate stampede for the door, which he locked with a flick of his wand. They all looked murderous, but he just rolled his eyes, "are you idiots trying to overwhelm her. She took those ridiculous muggle pills so I used some spells to clear them and she'll be fine, won't even need to go to St Mungo's, except maybe to see someone about her mental health."

I'll take my leave now, if you care to attempt to rectify your mistakes then Hermione is asleep in her bedroom and I'm sure you know her wards. Goodbye."

He stalked out of the kitchen and hurried to the front door before apparating to his manor. If they had half a brain they would be going to Hermione now to help her and she would be okay again. Of course he would probably end up with a group from the Order ready to kill him for sleeping with her but that couldn't be helped. Still, he couldn't help but feel sad knowing it was unlikely he would see her again very soon.

_6 months later_

He hadn't seen Hermione since that night six months ago and if he was honest he missed her dreadfully. There had been no visitors from the Order about him sleeping with her so he had to assume she'd left that part out and he was grateful, they could make up their own stories on how he came by his information. There hadn't even been a word of thanks but then again, those closest to her hated his guts so it wasn't really a surprise.

Tonight was an Order party, some celebration of the capture of the final death eaters. As usual he had received an invitation which he knew they expected him to ignore as usual. But tonight he would be going, he was keen to see Hermione again, even if only at a distance. He pulled on his dress robes and apparated away.

When he arrived at the party it was in full swing and he slunk over to a darker corner in order to observe the room. He could see different groups dancing and talking but could not spot Hermione. His eyes travelled round the room and landed on Severus skulking in another corner. Deciding that he would not only have information about Hermione, but would also be least likely to hex him, he made his way over there.

Severus gave him a nod of acknowledgement when he reached him and spoke almost immediately, "since you almost never come to these little … parties, I would assume your presence here tonight is so you can check up on a certain Miss Granger." He tried to protest but before he could even get the words out he was cut off, "Draco I am not as blind or stupid as the rest of the Order can be and I know you better than them. There was something going on between you and Miss Granger which you finished the night you told us all the truth, a rather un-slytherin like act I must say. Now if you wish to know how she is then I can say much better. Once you left the entire Order seemed to want to go to her, but obviously that would be a little overwhelming so Potter, the two youngest Weasleys, Black and Lupin went over first and then the rest of us over the next week. She was reluctant to admit anything at first but eventually we could help. If you wish to know more I suggest you ask her yourself."

He looked in the direction Severus was pointing and saw her right away, she looked beautiful in lilac dress robes and her hair loose and curly around her. She was luckily alone and he made his way quickly towards her, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a side room before she could protest. She whipped her head round to see who he was and gasped, "Draco, it's you". He smiled at her, "yeah, it is me."

She gave him a tentative smile and then proceeded to whack him about the head. "Hey, what was that for?" She narrowed her eyes at him, "that is for telling them all meaning that I had to deal with a mixture of sadness, pity and guilt from the entire Order for over a month. Then you didn't even come to see me you ass."

He spoke softly now, "sorry Hermione, I had to tell them, it was getting too bad and you wouldn't listen to me when I told you to get them to help you. I wanted to come see you, so badly, but I thought I might screw up your recovery. You look great by the way."

She smiled, a real smile for once and he was happy. "Thanks Draco, I suppose I never thanked you properly for saving me, it was a stupid thing to do. I feel better now they understand and it is good to let it out. They had me put all my bad war memories into a pensieve and then Harry, Ron, Ginny, Remus and Sirius went in to look. I know they didn't like it but they said it did them good to see it. Then they mad me talk about it with a healer at St Mungo's, they were so upset about the attempting suicide bit, took them all ages to get over. Severus was actually rather nice, he made sure I had some dreamless sleep potion until my nightmares lessened. Everything is sort of back to normal now, mostly, thankfully they've stopped feeling completely guilty most of the time and I'm glad. But enough about me, how have you been Draco?"

His smile faded a bit, "er, I've been fine Hermione, work and other stuff you know … I did miss you though, really wanted to see you … not really been doing much. I don't know." He was muttering to himself now, mumbling through his words to try and say what he really felt.

"What I'm trying to say is that I know it was just supposed to be sex between us, but I started to fall in love with you. I want to start over and do this right. So, while I'm sure you don't want to, will you go out on a date with me?"

He watched as she smiled again, a luminous grin that lit up her entire face and he smiled back as she said the one word that had to ability to make him the happiest man on earth.

"Yes".


End file.
